We all think of the truest kind of love as a self-gift to others.
I wonder if it might be truer, at least for us human creatures, to say even before this, the a more fundamental love is to freely accept the gift.
What gift? Any gift? Any true gift - any true outpouring of anther's self, WITHOUT exchange, WITHOUT repayment, or even the possibility - yes, even WITHOUT the ability to truly express your thanks. To simply receive the gift.
To accept this kind of gift: this is love. Perhaps the most difficult kind.
We do not want to accept this gift. It is too hard for us. We turn it down saying others need it more, we make it into an exchange or try to pay it back--anything to cast it on to someone else, anything to hide from the fact that the gift is FREE, that it is not based on any merit or action of ours. The truth is, deep down inside, it is not about responsibility at all; that is a mask of "adultness" we wear because we are too ashamed to face the real reason: because we believe we are failures. The gift gazes deep into the darkest parts of our soul, sees who we are not yet should be; we are not worthy that another person should give to us their love. And so we plead with Peter, "Lord, depart from me, for I am a sinful man!" But here is the truth: if this is where we start, we will never be worthy. We cannot spend our lives waiting to be worthy.
So. Now. The gift is near, the greatest gift beyond all hope, beyond all imagination. He does not ask us to prove our devotion, to run spiritual marathons to merit him; if this were the case the world would be lost in the dark winter of sin forever. All he asks is that we let him come to us; he is the radiant warmth of dawn, and he will become our love, if we only let him; he will join the tiny ungrateful trickle from our hearts with the surging ocean of the divine. Will we receive him? Will we let his light wash away the cobwebs from our hearts? Will we let up our own need for worthiness to accept this freest gift of love?
